To: Brad Blackstone
From: Tan Jia Le
Date: 14th
January 2017
Subject: Self Introduction
Dear Mr. Blackstone,
I am currently an
undergraduate pursuing a Bachelor's degree in Hospitality Business with Honours at Singapore
Institute of Technology. I previously pursued a diploma in Hotel & Leisure
Facilities Management in Singapore Polytechnic. In the few years of studies
within the hospitality industry, I have had many opportunities and exposure during
my industry attachments within two hotel organisations: Marina Bay Sands and Furama Hotels International.
Prior to university
life, I was engaged in two years of National Service. From being a recruit to moving up ranks to an officer, I was exposed to endless obstacles, events
and activities. Through these experiences, I managed to pick up essential soft
skills that were practical in adulthood, one of which was communication
skills.
Communication is the key
when it comes to partnership, teamwork, or even the slightest interaction between two individuals. I believe that listening and understanding before
taking actions is necessary in all communication, and that information passed
on must be clear and concise. In every interaction I participated in, I would always
try to be attentive, grasping the entire situation before making a comment or taking
any action.
However, due to the
fast-paced personality I possess, I tend to lack the patience to get to the
end of the conversation if it prolongs. At times even, I would jump-the-gun
once I think I had understood the gist of the situation.
Thank you for allowing
me to share with you more about myself. I hope this helps you to understand a little more about me.
Warmest regards,
Tan Jia Le
15SHB081D
As a fellow Officer of the Singapore Armed Forces, I totally relate to your post. Serving 2 years in the army is not any easy feat, especially when life in there was so fast-paced. Nevertheless, these experiences helped shaped us in our adulthood. Thanks for sharing. Now go find your true South.
ReplyDeleteDear Jia Le,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this initial post, the formal letter. It is concise and rather informative. You mention, for example, that you have experience in the hospitality business field, and that you studied a related field in the polytechnic. You give greater detail in your discussion of the value you have for communication as you weave a bit about your personality in with your approach to conversations.
What might strengthen the content of this letter would be for you to elaborate more. Give specific examples, for instance, of what you have alluded to, be that a skill you picked up during national service due to an obstacle confronted or some challenge you faced in the workplace because you were lacking patience in conversing with someone.
Do you see what I'm getting at? Your letter's direction would be more clearly articulated with more concrete details. You want the reader to truly understand where you're headed and what your aims are, right?
Paint us a picture then, as bright as your blog's wallpaper. I'd like to get a visual for what you allude to, some descriptive morsel.
My other suggestions on improving this letter are as follows:
1. Previously pursued a diploma in Hotel & Leisure Facilities Management in Singapore Polytechnic.
>>>
(missing subject)
2. ... with certain hotel organisations such as, Marina Bay Sands and Furama Hotels International.
>>> (expression issue)
within two hotel organisations: Marina Bay Sands and Furama Hotels International.
3. From a recruit, moving up ranks to an officer....
>>> (expression)
From being a recruit to moving up ranks to an officer,
4. One of which, was communication skills.
>>>
(sentence structure / sentence fragment error)
?
5. the slightest interactive
>>>
huh?
6. In every interaction I participated in, I would always try to be attentive, grasping the entire situation before making a comment or taking any action.
>>>
(verb tense error)
7. fast-paced personality
>>>
huh? explain, with an anecdote...
8. I possessed
>>>
(verb tense: why past?)
9. At times even, I would jump-the-gun once I think I had understood the gist of the situation.
>>>
(verb tense: Why past tense? Illustrate!)
10. Warmest Regards,
>>>
(capitalization: You only need to capitalize the first word of a close.)
See http://englishplus.com/grammar/00000051.htm
This letter's content and expression have great potential, Jia Le, but you need to slow the game down a bit, be more deliberate, and provide more detail. I look forward to reading more!
Best wishes,
Brad
p.s. I'm not sure if the red on black is the most effective template.
ReplyDeleteDear Jia Le, thank you for sharing your experiences. I totally agree with you that active listening is key to an effective communication. Hope to see more of your posts soon.
ReplyDeleteHi Jiale,
ReplyDeleteYou illustrated great points on effective communication and I believe the industry attachment must have trained you well.
The aspects of having communication skills is vital especially being an officer because you would need to convey messages in detail to your men.
Patience is not just about waiting, it is about how you act while waiting. In my opinion, I feel that you're courteous, understanding and knows when to do the right thing at the right time.
I look forward to reading more of your posts.